


Mamihlapinatapai

by TheCowArmy



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyf, Fluff, Fluffy, M/M, One-Shot, Post-Squip, Post-Squip Jeremy Heere, Short Story, Slight swearing at end, The boys are hurt, boyf riends - Freeform, emotionally, fight, ill stop now, im running on three hours of sleep, more of a friendship thing tbh, okay i should stop, okay seriously, physically, riends, sad i guess lol, they aren’t really dating, what the f are these tags?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCowArmy/pseuds/TheCowArmy
Summary: Mamihlapinatapai - a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something, but neither doMichael and Jeremy got into a physical fight at school over the past and now they’re stuck in a car with Mrs. Mell and they don’t know what to say to each other.My first story (that I’ve posted). Please be kind. :)
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, Michael Mell & Michael Mell’s Mother
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	Mamihlapinatapai

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is my first posted story (and actual story I’ve finished lol). The idea occurred to me in a dream, so I thought I’d write it. I’m currently running on three hours of sleep and I somehow wrote this in, like, five hours so there’s probably a lot of mistakes. I’ll go over it soon and correct them.

For the first time in twelve years, the two sat in an uncomfortable silence. Michael looked down at his twiddling fingers in his lap while Jeremy just looked around the car, occasionally towards Michael, but it was only for a split second to see what he was doing.

“You two,” Mrs. Mell spoke, who had volunteered to pick them up from school when Jeremy’s father couldn’t leave his new job and the other Mrs. Mell went to visit her cousin for a week. She chuckled, but it wasn’t a normal laugh. “The last thing I’d expect would be a fight. But why at school?”

Guilt. That’s what they felt suddenly. Michael felt the need to clear his throat, but he held back and swallowed hard to push the feeling down.

She pulled up to a stoplight, and once coming to a full stop, she turned around to face them. “Jeremy, how’s your eye?”

“It-it’s fine,” He told her, his voice small. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, so that’s good.”

“That’s good,” She turned her body towards Michael. “And what about your lip?”

“Yeah, it’s good,” Michael lied. It still stung, but he didn’t want to make Jeremy feel bad. He had a feeling that he was lying about the eye. Michael had gotten a black eye before, and it hurt for a while. 

Mrs. Mell shot Michael a glare before turning back around. But it was one of those looks that said “I’m disappointed in you; I didn’t raise you like that”. Michael was sure if Mr. Heere had picked them up instead, he would do the same for Jeremy. 

The light turned green and the car started moving again, and the car was silent. Jeremy rubbed a bruise on his arm gently, feeling the small bump. It was red, but he expected it to turn a dark brown later. Looking over at Michael, he didn’t expect to make eye contact. He looked away quickly, scared.

Michael also looked away. He didn’t know what to say or whether he should apologise. After all, he was the one who threw the first punch, but he wasn’t the one who initiated it all. He looked toward his lap again, his fingers picking at each other, tearing skin off. He was barely focusing on it though, too caught up in his mind to understand he was destroying his fingers. 

Meanwhile, Jeremy looked out the window for a few seconds, watching as houses passed by. Once he lost interest in that, he looked straight ahead at the driver’s seat in front of him before glancing over at Michael again. With a quick look, he could see Michael deep in thought, his head hanging low and him slouching. With the SQUIP, Jeremy would’ve immediately gotten shocked. 

Oh, yeah, the SQUIP. The reason for all of this. Jeremy was having a bad day today; waking up late, taking a test he didn’t prepare for, and accidentally bringing up the Halloween party. What started off as a normal conversation, with a casual Michael leaning against the locker next to Jeremy’s and talking about a video game, led to a heated argument, with harsh words and almost yelling, and it was all Jeremy’s fault. He wanted to scream and cry, just to let off some steam, or throw some empty beer bottles he would find on the side of the road at a tree, or get high, but all those things he would usually do with Michael. 

Michael, when he thought Jeremy wasn’t looking, he peeped over. Jeremy looked sad, and it made Michael heard a little voice in his head tell him that he was the cause of that, and he knew it was true. Violence was never the answer, but instead of calmly talking it out after school on the way home, walking through the nice weather and possibly even stopping somewhere to eat, Michael just whipped his hand towards his best friend and shattered any possibility of Jeremy trusting him again, right in the middle of the hallway, where at least six people saw. He suppressed a groan and put his hands to his face briefly in frustration, knowing by the time he went back to school, him and Jeremy would be the center of attention. Chloe and Jenna were probably tweeting already. 

He wanted desperately for Jeremy to say something. An apology, an insult, or just a stupid statement, anything. Just to break the tension that sat between them. Michael felt some responsibility to say something first because he was the one who physically hurt the other first, and god, did he regret it. Plus, being the more socially confident of the two, he knew Jeremy wouldn’t step up to say anything. Jeremy’s battles with social anxiety for years, and Michael was positive that the fight definitely triggered it.

And he was right. Jeremy tried his best to keep his breath steady so his anxiety wouldn’t spiral out of control and have a breakdown in front of Michael or Mrs. Mell. He wished his friend would say something to him so he could muster the confidence to apologise. He didn’t care what it was that he would say, just as long as it broke the silence. But of course, Jeremy felt like he should break the silence first. He hurt Michael and betrayed him after years and years of friendship.

There was a limited amount of time. Based on a quick look out the window, Michael could tell Jeremy was being dropped off first and they were about five minutes away from his house. He could still fix this and leave it off on a good note so perhaps he wouldn’t be grounded for as long. 

He looked over at Jeremy, and when he realised there were eyes looking back, he didn’t break it, searching through Jeremy’s bright blue eyes for the strength to be the first to speak, but he couldn’t find it. He slowly inhaled, yet not breaking eye contact, and hoped for words just to start spewing out of his throat, but there was nothing. So, he sat there silently, hoping for Jeremy to say something. 

Michael’s deep brown eyes had hope in them, but sadness and fear coated them. Jeremy tried his best not to chicken out and break the eye contact, so he started intently, two separate voices yelling at him to either speak first or let Michael do it. He couldn’t tell whether his friend already made up a choice and was waiting for the right chance to speak or waiting for Jeremy to do it. 

Michael blinked, his eyes becoming dry after staring at Jeremy for too long, and then eventually his eyes fell down to his lap again, losing the braveness he felt. Jeremy stared just for a little longer before he looked down too. 

There was less than two minutes left until they arrived at Jeremy’s based on a look out the window. Were they really staring at each other for that long?

Michael couldn’t take it anymore. It felt so unrealistic that his best friend and him were actually fighting. Of course, there were times where they had gotten into fights, but they were always quickly resolved. It was Michael’s fault anyway, throwing hands at his friend, when it could’ve been resolved like the many times before. He needed to apologise.

Jeremy felt sick to his stomach knowing that he was the one who caused this and hurt his best friend, actually, scratch that, his only friend. His hands started to shake, but he cupped them together, hoping to stop them. He pushed Michael over the edge and now was the time he could repair that. He needed to apologise.

...

“...I’m sorry.”

The two looked up at each other, surprise written on their face, and suddenly they were back to staring, but suddenly Jeremy broke the silence, letting out a small squeal of suppressed laughter. It made Michael smile, and then press his lips hard together so he wouldn’t laugh either. But before they knew it, they broke out into little giggle fits.

“Uh, jinx?” Michael laughed. Jeremy shook his head with a giant grin on his face. 

“We’re not little girls, Micha,” Jeremy gently shoved his shoulder, causing Michael to do the same back. His heart thumped at seeing Michael smile again. Internally sighing, he sunk back into his seat, watching Michael do the same.

The sounds of the open road were suddenly replaced with little stones. With the gravel creaking below them, the two looked out the window to see that they had arrived at Jeremy’s house. Michael suddenly felt sad, and he wanted to repair the friendship they had as much as he could before he would be scolded all the way home and grounded for an eternity.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you after the suspension. Thank you for the ride, Mrs. Mell,” Jeremy stated before he grabbed his backpack, the letters BOYF written across the front, and opened the car door. Michael couldn’t leave everything at that, no way. As much as he hoped Jeremy would stay in the car for a little longer, he needed another way to talk to him. 

“Wait,” Michael opened his car door and unbuckled, not wanting to let his opportunity go to waste. “Let me walk you in.” In the mirror, he saw a smile grow on Mrs. Mell’s face. He exhaled quickly and stepped out of the car. 

After Jeremy walked around the car, Michael and him walked side by side up the porch stairs. “I want to apologise, for real this time. Without the laughs.”

“Me, too,” Jeremy agreed once they reached the top of the stairs, walking on the porch and stopping by the front door. “Do you wanna go first or...?”

“Sure, why not?” Michael shrugged and then looked Jeremy in the eyes, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry about all of this. And I’m sorry about your eye. It looks really bad.” He winced a little bit. “It was stupid for me even to start the fight. I never intended for it to be so violent.”

“No, you didn’t start the fight,” Jeremy looked down in shame. Michael let his hand slip off his shoulder, folding his hands by his stomach. “I started it all with the SQUIP and shit. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. I was so hooked on the idea of being popular that I didn’t even think about the one person who mattered to me more than anything. I pushed you over the edge... so I’m sorry. So, very sorry.”

When Jeremy looked up at Michael, the latter offered him a smile. “I forgive you.”

“And I forgive you too,” Jeremy gave him a smile back. “At least we had a bit of practice for the zombie apocalypse.”

Michael laughed and his friend joined him. “Perfect training, just the wrong setting.” Jeremy nodded. “As much as I don’t want to go,” Michael started, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t want to miss the ten hour scolding session with my mom, and you know how much I love those.”

Jeremy giggled. “Yeah, you don’t want to miss that.” He pulled his friend in for a hug, which Michael quickly returned. “I’ll see you in a week.”

“See you in a week, Jer,” Michael pulled out of the hug and gave his friend a final smile before turning and heading back down the porch stairs. 

“Try not to forget about me!”

“Of course I won’t! I’ll be sending you love letters in the mail!” Michael turned around to see Jeremy’s reaction. He discreetly flipped him off as his cheeks turned red, a smile remained on his face as if to hold back a laugh. 

He hopped in the passenger seat with a happy sigh. Mrs. Mell looked over at him with a small yet genuine smile on her face.

Unexpectedly, Michael didn’t get scolded on the way home. In fact, his mother thanked him for apologising and it felt good to be on the good side of at least one of his mothers. He knew that the other Mrs. Mell would be furious when she got home, but that was something that future Michael would have to worry about. He mentally started saying goodbye to all his favourite electronics and thinking about what to do in his spare time.

Although the fight was intense, maybe they both just needed to release some steam, but just chose an unhealthy method to do so, but it was okay, because they were okay.

Michael smiled at the thought. We’re okay.

They were going to be okay, and that was all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! :)
> 
> I could maybe make a part two, one with love so it fits better with the ship tag.


End file.
